See you there!

She knew about the blog (she thought it was library related and not fit blog related).  She told me that she thought all the people she didn’t know in my circles on Google+ were library/work people.  Heh, I told her no, that they were my blog friends but we don’t talk about libraries.  Well ok, sometimes we talk about libraries.  lol

It wasn’t as scary telling her as I thought it was going to be.  I’m amazed when I realized I fully trust my best friend (more than my family) not to freak out when I tell her something about myself that can be seen as negative.

Seriously, if I could pick and choose who I hung out at holidays, my best friend would be on the top of that list.

I’m pretty sure she would let me watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade and not make fun of me.  I’m going to text her right now and ask.

Do you live your life in the open, or do you hide certain parts of yourself?  Do you like watching the Thanksgiving Day parade, or do you think I’m a colossal nerd?  

My spare bedroom went from this:

To this:

Yesterday after two trips to my mother-in-law’s house (with a harrowing stop to good will along the way), my spare bedroom now looks like this:

(This picture is the same corner as above.)

Guys, it feels really good to no longer have that twin bed in my possession.  My mom bought it after my parents divorced in 1993.  Two years later it was given to me when my family moved into the new house my mom had built.  In 2003 it was given back to me after I moved out of college housing to my first apartment to be my bed.  (Even though I didn’t need it.)

The bed moved from my first adult apartment, to the condo my husband and I bought after we married, to the house we own now.  All that time the bed was never used for anything, except for when I would sleep on it when sick, or as a way for Norman to sit and stare out the window.  We had only had one guest spend the night and she was probably the only person in the world who would be comfortable on a twin bed.  (They are so tiny compared to a queen.)

I’ve wanted to get rid of this bed ever since it was given to me in 2003.  I didn’t need it then, and every time I’ve moved it I began to resent the bed.

I resented what it symbolized.

The bed became a symbol of letting someone walk all over me.  Every time I made noise that I wanted to sell the bed and remove its clutter from my life, I was told not to.  My children needed the bed.  It was too good of quality to just give away.  I would never buy another bed as good as quality as the one above.

Only here is the problem:

1. At the rate I’m going, any kid of mine wouldn’t be able to use the bed for at least ten years.  (If I ever have hypothetical children.)
2. There is no point owning such a good quality bed if its just going to sit empty in a corner of my house.  (I have other plans for that corner anyway.)
3. The last one I just don’t get.  I’m pretty sure if I look high and low, I would be able to find a bed just as good quality that will fit my needs.

However for the last 8 years, I’ve moved the bed because it made someone else happy.  So finally I decided to sell it.  I cleaned it off, took pictures, and told my family I was planning on selling the bed.   I was met with the usually resistance, but I dug in and kept my ground.  As a result, the bed is now in my mother-in-law’s garage until it can be of use to someone else.

Now whenever ever I walk past my spare bedroom, I feel free.  I feel like a weight has been lifted up off my shoulders.

To celebrate my husband and I went to Costco and bought an Aero bed.  Now if we have guests, we have space and a comfier bed for them to sleep on.

I’m in a Hurry (And Don’t Know Why)–Alabama

Friday I made a mistake at work.  I think I fixed it (I hope I hope I hope), but at the time the feeling was gut wrenching.

All the usual doubts began surfacing in my head as I worked:

• Why am I such a screw up?
• When am I going to grow up?
• Why can’t I pay attention?
• Is this why my coworkers who are my age given more responsibility?
• Will my supervisor be disappointed in me once my mistake gets out?
• Can I fix it so no one knows what I did?
• Am I a bad person for not wanting to own up to my mistake?

Ten minutes later I had to take a break and answer a phone call from a client.  I was able to resolve a sticky situation and hung up feeling a lot better about myself.   I went back to work and I begin to muse less about my screw up and more on why I constantly make such mistakes.

Do you every feel like time is slipping away?

(source)

Friday mornings are my busiest time during the week.  But I wonder how much of that “oh my goodness I’m so busy” is in my head and not reality.  I wonder what life would be like if I was slower and more deliberate in my actions.  Instead of rushing and trying to finish my tasks as fast as possible, I wonder if I would make fewer mistakes if I took my time and was more mindful of the work I was doing.  I also wonder if I stopped putting off little tasks to do later, and do them right away, if that would save time in the future.

I’m going to think more about my relationship about time, my biggest time wasters, and time suckers.  I know I watching too much television instead of working on other projects I want to do.  I also know, I tend to put off little tasks to do later and then become stressed when a bunch of little tasks add up to one large time suck.  The biggest point I’m going to ponder if what if I buck the American trend of rushing and being in a hurry, and instead moved more slowly and deliberately.

Are you always in a hurry, or have you figured out a way to slow down?   When you make a mistake can you let it go, or do you stew?  If you’re going to play in Texas, do you have to have a fiddle in the band? 

PS Great, now I have two Alabama songs stuck in my head.  I’m going to have an ipod heavy day at work today.

]]> http://healthyboti.wordpress.com/2011/07/28/in-a-hurry/feed/ 2 runboti time-slipping http://healthyboti.wordpress.com/2011/07/26/the-dark-chocolate-litmus-test/ http://healthyboti.wordpress.com/2011/07/26/the-dark-chocolate-litmus-test/#comments Tue, 26 Jul 2011 09:30:01 +0000 Kate @ Walking in the Rain http://healthyboti.wordpress.com/?p=1148 ]]> (source)

I don’t remember why I started eating dark chocolate.  More likely than not it had to do with reading a health report stating dark chocolate was a nutritional rockstar packed with antioxidants and flavonoids.  It also could be because dark chocolate calculated out to be less points than milk chocolate.  Now I choose dark chocolate because regular chocolate is just too sweet.  It did take me some time to adjust to the flavor of dark chocolate, but I’ve found I can eat a smaller amount of dark chocolate and be satisfied.

When I think of dark chocolate, the words rich, smooth, and exquisite come to mind.  (Do I sound like a commercial?)

Sometimes, however, my beloved dark chocolate can taste bitter, dry, and chalky.

Would it blow your mind when I say that these adjectives can describe the same chocolate bar?  How is that possible?

Cervantes said “hunger is the best sauce in the world,” and with intuitive eating I’ve found that is true.  The reason my chocolate can taste divine one moment and unpalatable the next is sometimes I’m not hungry when I eat it.  As I’m learning to fine tune my hunger and fullness, the biggest red flag I can identity is when the chocolate doesn’t taste  yummy.  I can then put the chocolate away, and assess how I’m feeling.

(source)

When I each chocolate when I’m hungry, I find I enjoy it more.  I’m more present and can taste all the complex flavor inhabiting each bite.  Back when I was in a state of deprivation and eating chocolate because it was something that I couldn’t have in my day to day life.

I think life is more pleasant when chocolate is involved.  Unless is white chocolate, that stuff is nasty!

Do you like chocolate or do you like a different type of candy?  Do you agree with my white chocolate hate or do you think I’m off base? 

What you have to do when you need to run the air conditioner and its still daylight after bed time.

Has anyone else watched the Red Green Show?  You know what he says, “if the woman don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you hand.”  Luckily my hubby is handy and handsome.  He cut a piece of cardboard to fit our window, cut a hole for the AC exhaust, and then taped it all in the window.  He then wrapped the hose with aluminum foil to keep the light out.  It worked ok, but the tape didn’t hold.  We then cut a piece of wood to fit the window and he found a insulated hose to keep the light out.  The upside is our room is cool (well cool enough for my husband who runs hot), but the ac makes a lot of noise when it kicks on so I don’t sleep well.

Anyway, if you think my AC set up is special, you should see my mother-in-law’s.

You can see the AC in the right corner, and then the rest of her window is covered with foil to keep the light out.  She can lower her blinds to cover that spot on the top right corner of the window.

The sun is setting around 9:30 now, and its finally dark around 10:00pm again.  I’m very glad I don’t live farther up north, I can’t imagine what its light to be daylight most of the time.  I really like sleeping in the dark.

Of course pretty soon I’ll be complaining about driving home in the dark (so scary when its icy and the guy with four wheel drive is tailgating your car).  Juneauites just can’t be happy.  ^_^

Have a great Monday!

Last weekend sucked.  I was torn between just wanting it to be over and wishing I could rewind back to Friday night to see if I could somehow “fix” what went wrong.

In reality there wasn’t anything I could do.  Sometimes weekends are awesome–so good you wish they will last forever.  On the other side of the coin, sometimes weekends suck.

Just like everything in life, one can’t exist without the other.

Monday morning I found myself popping chocolate covered macadamia nuts in my mouth in an effort to balance the sour with the sweet.

I don’t want to compensate for the disappointing parts of life with really bad chocolate.  (Really Hawaii, if you are putting chocolate around the most delectable of nuts, make sure the chocolate doesn’t suck.)

What I wanted more than anything was to call in a personal day.  I wanted to sleep in (to compensate for not getting any sleep over the weekend), lounge in my pjs, and read really trashy books.

Instead I had a splitting headache and a mound of work to sift through.

This is where I should whip out a list of self care activities and choose one to mitigate the feelings of lingering deprivation I had while at work.

But I don’t have such a list.

I can probably parrot what I’ve read on a hundred other blogs, but unless I like something in my very core I’m not going to make time to do it.

I took my free lunch hour to buy a giant soy cafe au lait, and sat in the local coffee house and read a trashy book.

After this weekend I’m feeling motivated to create a self care list I can pull out at work for when I want to call in sick, but am required to put in a full days work.  Even the smallest act will help me feel like I am putting myself first.

I know when I put myself first, I can weather any storm.

]]> http://healthyboti.wordpress.com/2011/07/21/sweet-and-sour/feed/ 5 runboti balance http://healthyboti.wordpress.com/2011/07/20/yog-oh-my-goodness/ http://healthyboti.wordpress.com/2011/07/20/yog-oh-my-goodness/#comments Wed, 20 Jul 2011 09:30:29 +0000 Kate @ Walking in the Rain http://healthyboti.wordpress.com/?p=1131 ]]> (source)

Last week I e-mailed my best friend and asked her if she wanted to start going to a weekly yoga class.  She agreed and we made a date for last Sunday.  I was excited, my body was crying out for some yoga, and I never found the time to practice yoga (even though I had everything I needed for a home practice).  I knew (this could sound hokey) the energy from taking a group class would be motivating for me to continue going.  Plus, going to the class with my bestie was icing on the cake.

The class was called Beginning Yoga scheduled for late Sunday morning.  How difficult was it going to be?

Umm, plenty.

First the class was packed.  Instead of scuttling over to a corner like I usually did, I had to pick a spot in the middle of the room.  The day was moderately sunny which meant the room was warm, not hot, just the usual “we don’t have air conditioning because its never hot here” temperature.  It was enough to make me start to mist a little bit.

The teacher announced we were going to concentrate on hamstrings and hips.  Perfect, just what my hamstrings and hips needed!

We started out in table top, and I knew I was going to be in trouble.  We were holding the pose for a long time, longer than I would have if I was at home.  My arms started to burn, and it was a relief to lie on my back for the next pose–reclinging big toe pose.

Which we held, for three minutes.

With the teacher walking around telling everyone to smile while pushing our legs straight.  The whole class was groaning and gritting our teeth.

However, and this is what I love about yoga, the teacher wasn’t forcing us to keep our legs straight for the full three minutes.  She said repeatedly she was strict but fair.  She encouraged the class to bend our knees when the stretch became too intense.  She joked she would only be mad if her students ignored our bodies and held a pose to the point of injury.

After the class was over my legs were singing–but in a good way.  The desperately needed to be stretched and their pain was indication about how tight they are.  My friend and I made plans to go to the class next Sunday, and I’m pretty excited.  I like that the class is tough, but doable.  From all the exercise classes I’ve taken, yoga classes are the ones were everyone can participate no matter what level they are.

I also love how proud I am of my body every time I finish with a yoga class.  I never feel more graceful strong or capable then when I do yoga.

Do you ever feel like you have too much stuff?

I do.

Often my clutter stems from a lack of something.

When I look at my clutter I realize it is trying to tell me something.

• The stacks of books.
• The drawers of lipsticks.
• Clothes that don’t fit.
• Magazines I never read all the way through.

This weekend as I was tossing out clothes I would never wear to make room for clothes I will adore and wear all the time, I found a bag of lipstick I hadn’t unpacked from the move.  I then spent the afternoon taking every lip color I own to test and see which ones I wanted to keep.

My collection wasn’t significantly whittled down, but I did toss any lipstick I didn’t 100% love.

Lipstick (like books, magazines, and foods) was a balm I used to try and fill a hole inside myself.  The hole has many different names.  Sometime it would be loneliness.  Sometimes deprivation.  Sometimes a different emotion I couldn’t name.

But everytime instead of trying to figure out what I really wanted, I would buy a small item I didn’t really care about to fill the hole.

After I tossed a bunch of items I never used, I felt much better.  Lighter.  More in control.  Just a small action to help make me feel like I can do the harder work and make bigger changes.

How are you with clutter?  Did you find when you stopped overeating, you compensated by spending?

I don’t get fashion.  Actually I feel like fashion doesn’t get me.

Growing up the clothes in the teen magazines never came in my size, and so I was forced to come up with my own look.

If baggy sweatshirts and leggings could be a “look.”

As my weight went up, I wore bigger clothes hoping the bigger the size the better my weight was disguised.  As I result I never developed an idea of what fit.  After watching What Not to Wear I know the extremes with clothing (too tight or too loose) is a no-no.  However I have no idea what is an acceptable tightness for someone my size.

Especially when that someone has a tummy.

Last week it with great trepidation that I ordered some clothing from sonsi.com.  I’ve been eying clothes from the Kiyonna website, but the shipping made me balk and Sonsi’s shipping was more reasonable (free).  I stepped a little bit out of my comfort zone and bought a cute top, a white tank, and a black ruched tank.  The top is cute, the tank was too tight (and I figure I can buy something similar when I go on vacation next month), but the black tank is giving some pause.

In short I don’t know if it fits.

The husband likes it, a lot.  Then he we were both in the bedroom, and he usually is more agreeable when I’m trying clothes on.  I texted two of my friends and they both think the top look good.

Here I go with the unveiling of my first full body shot on the internet:

Looking at this photo I want to scream!  Not because I’m staring at any perceived body flaws (I’m pretty zen about them at the moment).  No, I want to scream because of how hard it is to buy clothing where I am.  For me its order, wait a week, try on, realize the item doesn’t fit, then have to repackage and send back to the company.  In the meantime I have to decide if I want to by a similar item in a larger size (and risk it being too big).

As for the shirt, I’m 99% sure I’m going to send it back.  There is some weird tummy shapes going on (and I don’t feel comfortable yet putting a side shot on the ‘net.)  My only other option would be to invest in some body shapers to smooth things out.

Does shopping frustrate you as well?